Connection within

I want to share something I wish I had learned at the beginning.

I’m understanding how important it is to discover and explore the connection within me. Not the word “relationship,” not any words told by the outside world, but connection inside.

I dove completely into story of spiritual romance. Now I realize every time I even think about anything other than inner connection..no matter whose words, really anything at all – every time, I get messed up. Anything at all about relationships, about energies, about readings, about … whatever.

It is completely, only about your connection in you..and how you explore and discover it.

You ever notice how whenever you “try” to “reconnect” outside it throws everything out of whack?

You get a text and you spin. You send a text and you spin. You look at all the texts you didn’t get and you spin. You see their name and you spin. You see something reminding you of what it’s all “supposed” to be, and you spin.

Every time something outside comes into the picture, it takes me out of connection.

Last time I was feeling abandoned I realized that connection never abandoned me. Not ever. I might feel abandoned but that does not mean connection abandoned me.

I ran away internally because of all that … stuff. All those ideas. About things. About relationships. About romance. About stages and energies and allll that stuff.

I keep trying to “make it happen.” I can’t “make it happen” when it’s already reality and I’m not accepting it.

It’s real. But only if I let it be. Instead of trying to think about what it’s supposed to be or attach it to … events or people or … whatever. It’s not any of that. All that stuff becomes abandonment in me. I create that.

Connection never abandons me. But I can tell myself I’m abandoned and then the struggle becomes “trying to reconnect” with someone else. And now I’m creating abandonment.

When I think I’m abandoned it’s my road map to my own self work because it is me feeling abandoned. Not anyone abandoning me. Not connection leaving me. It’s just me.

And allll that stuff … only looks outside of me.